you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
