if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
