i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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