Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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