i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
