The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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