Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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