1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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