I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
