I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
worst night to have a conscience
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
