I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
