If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
