I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
