The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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