saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My vagina is very pro this idea
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
