Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
