I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
