Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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