your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
