i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
