Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
