Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
