Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
