There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
