Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
