K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
