Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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