I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
