Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
