tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
