dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
