Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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