i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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