one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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