9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
