Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
