Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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