the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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