he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
