I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
