I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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