i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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