Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
