really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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