hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
