Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
