THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
please come you make the beer taste better
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
