Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
