He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
