I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
